On Transitions…

And herein lies the beauty of blogging or journaling.  An opportunity to capture a moment in time and look back upon it at some point in the future and say, “Look how far I’ve come.”

More frequent is looking back on a period of time, or a moment in time and saying, “Wow, that was a huge transition for me”.  Rare is the ability to capture those transitions while they happen – recognizing them as they come and embracing the uncertainty they bring.

Today I find myself in such a transition.  So, of course, my thoughts today are almost entirely on transition.  I honestly think this is the first time in my life I’ve been able to take a step back and enjoy the magic and mystery of transition for all the beauty it contains.

And here’s what I’m experiencing right now…right this very minute.

Relief. The relief that comes with being “done” with something that hasn’t been a good fit.  That’s stood in the way of experiencing life and relationships to their fullest.

Sadness. This was somewhat of a surprise to me.  As I was literally driving away from one part of my life, I found myself surprised at the tears that started to fall as I drove away.  Sadness in leaving some amazing relationships – not forever – just leaving the familiarity and everyday-ness of them.

Uncertainty. As in, this is it!  One door is closing and I’m in the hallway and don’t yet see the next doorway.  Ummmm…..now what?!  With this uncertainty comes a bit of anxiety.

Excitement. Yes, I’m in the hallway after one door has closed but now I get to knock on a bunch of new doors and see if they open.  Peer behind each one and see what they hold.  Decide which door to walk through.  Hopeful that there’ll be one door that I recognize as my own to come home to.

Gratitude. In every experience, good or bad, there is learning.  I’m quite frankly amazed at the full circle I’ve navigated in my current transition.  But I recognize I’m one step ahead of where I was when I first started this particular journey.  That’s a good feeling.  Yes, I’ve been through some experiences that haven’t been ideal and I think I’ll look back on 2009 and say, “Whew…wasn’t that a whirlwind year?”  But would I give it up?  Nope.  It’s that journey that’s made me stronger, more alive and more committed to the things to which I need to be committed.

And on the note of gratitude I leave these thoughts, this transition.  I’m grateful for the perspective of this transition.  I’m grateful for the learning.  And grateful for the opportunity to share it.